Jalum Grifter

As this enchantment enters, choose a color and balance this enchantment on your head. Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color. When this enchantment falls off your head, sacrifice this enchantment.

When you control no permanents other than The Cheese Stands Alone and have no cards in hand, you win the game.

Choose another player. You gain 5 life. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you gain 5 life.

Target player and each of that player's teammates exchange life totals.

When you speak in non-rhyming sentences, sacrifice this enchantment. Say "I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything bounces off me and sticks to you": Change the target of target spell or ability that targets only you.

First strike 1W, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to this creature this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

Whenever this creature deals damage to a player, destroy target permanent other than this creature with the most lines of text in its text box. (If two or more cards are tied, target any one of them.)

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)